The Missing and Murdered on Ataraxia

by Chet Davis

Late last night Jacob Ritner, a local sheep farmer, thought he smelled a cookout in the woods near his farmstead. Following the scent of BBQ, however, did not lead to a delicious pig roast but instead a scene straight from a horror vid. A yet-to-be-identified dead body was lying next to a cobbled-together blast furnace that was running. Ritner became violently ill as he identified what he was smelling.

“I thought it was a party, this is just sick!” Ritner told me. “As if the [CENSORED] Reavers weren’t bad enough! Now we have this? [CENSORED] this [CENSORED] moon! I’m going to pack up and get the [CENSORED] out of here before I end up dead for good.”

As we’re all aware, there has been a large uptick in missing person cases locally. This can no longer be ignored as evidence of body disposal has been discovered. I managed to corner Deputy Parker coming out of the Port of Freefall Sheriff’s Office.

Deputy Luke Parker had this to say. “At this time I have no comment about an open investigation. The Sheriff’s Office is not jumping to conclusions and is looking at all angles of the scene.”

While not helpful for information on the situation, at least they seem to be taking it seriously. I was unable to gain access to the scene as the law enforcement restriction line was too far to even get decent photos to accompany this article. I did however manage to find the Sheriff on the scene and questioned him on the situation.

Sheriff Eli Wraith said. “The situation is under investigation by the Port of Freefall and we have no information to offer at this time. A press release will be issued at a later date.”

When further questioned about if the two cases were related the Sheriff gave me a nasty look and replied. “Chet, what the [CENSORED] do you think? No further questions or I’ll tase you. Oh wait, Chet, your cow is in impound, come pick it up or it will be hamburger.”

Sadly this reporter was unable to meet the 3 pm deadline for impound retrieval, and Muffin was killed and slaughtered. I hope the Sheriff chokes on his steak. You will be missed Muffin.